Thursday, April 10, 2008

I Don't Think They Need to Lock Their Cars (... And Thoughts about Deflated Morale)




Guess these people don't have dachas where they can dump their old cars. These two beauties are parked off of Kutuzovsky Prospect, one of the nicest and most prestigious streets in the city. Residents of these adjacent buildings must be FUMING that two prime parking spots are taken up by these pieces of junk!


On a separate note, emotionally I'm kind of feeling like those cars... Or that tire... Katya has been so incredibly difficult to parent recently, pretty much ever since I missed her school assembly by accident... She had another reflex anoxic seizure three weeks ago (at least it was because she didn't want to leave school; she loves it there so much) and every morning I brace myself for the storm that might be unleashed as I try to get her out the door... The "witching hour" of dinner/bedtime hasn't been that easy, either... And getting her to actually turn off her light at night and sleep has been next-to-impossible... Ever feel like a wet rag that has been wrung so tightly that not a drop of water can fall from it?

There have been moments of tenderness sprinkled in among the crises... And we did have fun at the parks last weekend... And she has been improving gradually since privileges have been taken away and she's having to work to earn them back... But the artillery launched in the morning, even if it's only four mornings a week, is darn crippling. I'm just hanging on, praying for the strength to contain my anger and to parent with patience and love. Last night I took a Lunesta to help me sleep; my fibromyalgia (chronic joint pain) has been quite painful recently and sleep is essential in getting better. Instead of "an uninterrupted good night's rest," however, I was woken up FOURTEEN TIMES before 2 a.m.! It's a losing battle when she's up that late since her ADD medication has completely worn off, and we can't give her more at that hour. Poor Natalia is just walking around a bit shell-shocked from it all...

I wish I could get a masseuse to come give Katya a massage at bedtime... Maybe I'll try it myself...

One thing I've been doing to try to build up my defenses is that I've joined the C25K bandwagon! I was waiting until I'd completed week one of the workout to say something. Here's the link to the program that takes you from being a couch potato (which I wouldn't exactly call myself, but I'm nowhere near the shape I was in when in college) to being able to run a 5K race. My shins are quite sore and my muscles are definitely not used to running, but it's getting easier and it feels great. I followed you into the blogosphere, Rachael, so now I'm tagging along on your journey to get fit.

9 comments:

Rachael said...

Oh, I'm so so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time right now. Parenting has its speedbumps. Thank goodness for the rewards that make it worth it. Some kids are harder to parent than others (don't I know it) but its our job to figure out how to channel that energy and brilliance and resourcefulness in the right direction! Long distance hugs to you. Take care of yourself too. Maybe YOU need the massage.

And YEAH for running. I'm so glad for you. Maybe we need to run a race together this summer? Or, maybe not. Maybe since we obviously will not get a lot of opportunities to see each other in real life we should do something more fun.

Two nights ago, Kristen and I went on a 3 mile run outdoors since the weather was nicer in the evening. I told her that I had an idea that I should let each child have one night each week where we went on a run or a walk together: it would commit me to 4x/wk getting moving AND give each child some special one on one time to look forward to. I thought it was brilliant. Kristen: not so much. She said she didn't want running to count as her one on one time with me, there were lots of things she'd choose over that! So much for that idea.

Annie said...

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time, too....but in another way SO RELIEVED. I was beginning to think that I was the only mother (especially in blogland) with a "difficult" child. And Anastasia has been SO difficult during spring break that I wonder how I can live like this much longer. Except I know that school will help.

I think Anastasia needs the security and safety of a schedule. So - God, just a question... Why did you give her to ME? The least scheduled person on earth???

Anastasia is furthermore, so willful, that she'd die rather than be tamed, so something like a spanking is useless - only makes things 100% worse. But what do I do, then, when she is hitting me? Screaming at me? I feel badly for her because she knows she has a problem. She wrote a "song" yesterday about "getting in control of myself". Poor baby. But - poor me, too!

And poor you. Let me know if you have any insights. I'll pray for you meanwhile.

Annie said...

And why are the cars wrapped up like that? I don't get it....

Tami said...

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. If it makes you feel any better you're not alone.
If you ask us which kid is acting up right now it will be a different answer each week. Thankfully this week has been rather quiet...I think God knew we needed a break.
Last week was Alek's turn. And since he is just a month shy of turning 10, he is especially difficult to handle. His mouth got him in some SERIOUS trouble at home. I hoped he learned a lesson from that one.
The week before that was Anya's turn. She decided to have a meltdown every morning over the clothing she was wearing to school...and then turn around and have another one every night during homework time.
Nick struck the week before that with the Parent/Teaching meeting from you know where. I've never had a bad report before. I'll have to remember to thank him, right after he gets ungrounded...that should be in a couple of months! UGH!!!
Hang in there! ((hugs))

Sasha said...

Yay! I'll be updating my blogroll soon and will add you to the list!

Keep me updated on how it's going!

kate said...

I think you're right-- a lavendar massage at bedtime is a good idea. It's at least a nuetral, calming, connecting time. Slather on the lotion and let the relaxation begin!

Hey--we just had a Santa House open here in St. P. It's great!!! The closest thing we have to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I may never have to go to IKEA again. ;>

kate said...

ps You can send her up here for a while if you just need a break. ;>

Nataliya said...

Oh, it must be so hard on you... Let's hope that this tough period will be over soon! In the meantime, I think it's a great idea to start running, let us know how it goes!

garnet said...

I want to thank you so much for sharing this with us (and to thank the commenters who also weighed in with similar feelings). Like Annie said, it's a relief to hear that others are going through challenges as well. We aren't around many other kids and the one little girl my daughter's age couldn't be more different. It's very easy to feel like I'm the only one struggling with a child that can be so incredibly unhappy. It doesn't make it any easier, either, that I know exactly where she got this from.