Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I'm Here... Sort Of...

Thanks so much for your concern, guys... It really means a lot.

Yeah, I have been having a pretty rough time for a variety of reasons, none which I can really blog about. I know we talk sometimes about "keeping it real," but when your blog is on the public domain that's just not possible sometimes...

I just haven't had it in me to put on a chipper "blogger" face, writing about things that right now really don't mean all that much to me. 

In some ways I've also been a possessed mama, the way you get in your ninth month of pregnancy. When you have to get every little thing done, because you know that as soon as the baby comes, you can kiss those "To Do" lists good bye. 

Going back to work full-time is a HUGE change for me, one that will be very hard on my family at this precise time, but I can't exactly postpone the first day of school... Come to think of it, I'll make the transition smooth for my family--but I'm very worried about the toll it will have on ME. For example, it's 11:20 p.m. and I just made pasta so I have something to pack for lunch for the kids tomorrow. No chance to go grocery shopping today, so pickings were pretty s-l-i-m around here... As soon as I finish writing, I'm going to SLEEP.

(I know so many of you work full-time, too... The context of doing so here, though, is rather different... Life is just harder here, it takes so much longer to get things done, and there's soooooo much more stress in order to accomplish what seems simple in the USA... There also aren't affordable, healthy take out or yummy frozen entrees. And I'm doing this kind of as a single mom, since Chris's job is such that I can never count on him for any familial help). 

I knew that we'd have meetings at school some time this week, certain that I'd be busy at least all day Thursday and Friday--but I wasn't expecting an urgent phone call today about "Where Was I???" I'm realizing that organization in Russian schools is going to be different... I won't always know in advance, or have a calendar of set times, etc... 

My heart has been beating a mile a minute since scrambling to get there as fast as I could, while in the meantime finishing up the important meeting I was having about Katya's recently diagnosed Oppositional Defiant Disorder. 

(Sigh... Yes, it's really hard around here... Especially when the younger sibling mirrors all of the older sibling's behaviors, even if she doesn't have the diagnosis herself... For her, it's learned behavior that has to be undone with therapy none the less... Therapy our health insurance company will no longer cover--just learned that lovely news--- unless I do some SERIOUS navigating around loopholes in order to get SOME of  the $572 cost per week paid for...) 

All things considered, however, it was nice to go to work this afternoon and I really, truly like my colleagues and I think I'm going to be very happy working there. 

Oh... you know how I just wrote that my heart was beating a mile a minute? Well, if only my running were that fast...

I saw the orthopedic surgeon last week because of knee pain and he doesn't want me to continue with the Chicago Half Marathon if the pain continues in any way. If it does, I likely need orthoscopic surgery (done by laser, minimally invasive, 80% success rate, fast recovery). I've only been able to do 5K runs for the past two weeks, hardly the 21K of a Half Marathon... I wish I could have started physical therapy, but the foreign clinics are booked for the next month and I haven't gotten any help getting a Russian referral yet. Also, WHEN oh WHEN would I even fit in the appointments?

I'd like to still go to Chicago, though, even if I walk a lot of the race... I *NEED* to get away on my own for a few days. I'll see how the school director reacts tomorrow when I ask about taking the three days off from school... 

I hope life will get little easier next week when the new housekeeper/nanny will start. I'll write more about that later; it's actually quite a story...

Wish me some restorative zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's....

10 comments:

Katya said...

Oh... SO glad to see your post. I was getting SO worried!! Ok... I am not glad you are having a crappy time... but I am glad that you are safe and alive!

Christine said...

Thinking of you Tamara. Don't beat yourself up, you are a wonderful mother. Going back to work will be an adjustment for everyone but I am sure that you will all get through it and be closer at the end of things because of it. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Good luck!
How long is the school day for Katya and Natasha? Do they go 9-12?
Olga

Anonymous said...

Oh,
forgot to tell one thing - you can not win as a mother. Way back when my children were still in elementary school, one of my neighbors did not work and stayed home with children of about the same age as my. The kids confronted her one day and asked what was wrong with her and why did not she worked. More directly their question was - do you know how to do anything? She was not very happy.
My children were waiting for me at the door one day when I was coming from work (I work all my life, except of 2 years when we first came to US) - and asked me why do I work and do not stay home with them. I tried to explain that we could not survive without my salary. They were waiting for more details, so I started to elaborate - no toys, no vacations, etc- to which they replied very seriously: "We do not want any toys or vacations, we want you home".You can imagine, I was not a happy camper. Good thing thou that I stopped at toys and vacations and did not go to the college cost and such.
Olga

Anonymous said...

oh, Tam. Thinking about you and the girls. Giove Katya a hug from me.

Tami said...

I'm so glad to hear from you! I'll be thinking/praying for you in the coming days. Hang in there. You're doing a great job! Yucky things just have a way of piling up. ((HUGS))

Rachael said...

I so hope that you'll be able to pull this trip off! And, I'm really sorry about all the stuff going on that is making daily life so hard right now. Hang in there, you're a strong person: you can get through this and come out better on the other side. One day at a time. (One mile at a time too... ;) Just don't wrench your knee or anything.)

ch@tter_ box said...

I'm sorry you're having a bad time! Is Oppositional Defiant Disorder a sickness? Is it sirious? I'm sorry for Katya!

Kelly said...

Thinking of you and keeping you and your family in our prayers! You're a good mom and go way above and beyond! Hope you're enjoying your new makeup at least:).
Love, Kelly

garnet said...

Somehow I seem to be better organized with my time when I'm back working regularly. I'm slowly getting caught up with blog comments. I did read this when you first posted it and have been praying for you. It is absolutely harder taking care of the home outside the U.S. with its many conveniences. Glad it sounds as if you are enjoying your new job. I hope it brings you lots of satisfaction.