Thursday, February 10, 2011

My Barely-Breathing Blog...

I never intended to just stop writing...

There have been a variety of factors... Such a varied readership, bigger than I had ever envisioned, and as a result I'm quite limited sometimes in what I can write about. (More on this below, added later). Ever since that school trip when our pictures and my blog were in the Aeroflot magazine, there has been more tension among the different "hats" I wear as a blogger.

As for Moscow, yes, there are certainly still some really neat things going on here, and there's much to write about!

But even though I didn't even think this was humanly possible, my husband's job this past year has been even more grueling and all-demanding... I've been pretty much entirely on my own in dealing with daily life here, being a parent and working full-time. That just doesn't leave much time for blogging, or for anything else, for that matter...

It has definitely been a year of of high pressure and bubbling situations on all fronts... I've felt like a cook trying to not burn multiple dishes at the same time.

Right now I'm also pretty busy looking into jobs in the US for next year. We don't know for certain if we'll be leaving, but it's *definitely* a possibility. It's exciting, but also quite daunting. There's only ONE Russian high school teaching job advertised for next year and it looks great... Otherwise I'm facing jumping back in doing full-time French and Spanish, and I haven't done that in a long time.

I'll post more of the kind of stuff you always used to see here real soon!

Added later today:

What I mean is that once people from work find out you blog, in particular your students, you hesitate to ever write anything that detracts from your professional image. And I pretty much never blog about work—even when there could be SO many interesting cultural things to say if my blog were anonymous!—so sometimes I'm not left with that much to write about... I also feel so compelled to always be super chipper, making things seem effortless and positive. Sure, no one is "making me" do that—but doesn't it just make sense? At work I'm very cheerful, encouraging and enthusiastic... I also try to be like that with my children... I think my "chipperness" has then been a bit spent by the time I get a spare moment sometimes :-)

Knowing that other potential expats are also reading what I'm writing, I really don't want to ever make things seem easier than they might be—that could make the reality of moving here more isolating. I would hate for anyone to think, "Well, what's wrong with me? Moscow Mom seems to just love being here and does it all so effortlessly!" That's how other expat women appeared to me when we first moved here, and that made the adjustment SO much harder...

It's also trickier being a "Mommy Blogger" when your kids get older and you need to respect their privacy more...

17 comments:

The Expatresse said...

Always a pleasure to read anything you post.

Annie said...

Yes; I can imagine what you mean. I think writing for a large readership must also be more of a burden than a pleasure. An unpaid stint as a journalist rather than an opportunity to have a laugh with a few people, or vent....

I am not sure which would be worse - a large, expectant readership, or one made up only of family and friends. I am fortunate, to have just a few readers, who have become friends - but they (for the most part) only know me electronically. Even then, though, if you write a couple of "good" posts, you feel the burden of living up to them.

I can't imagine how it woul feel to have found myself PUBLISHED!

I miss your posts, though!

Anonymous said...

Miss your blogs, but totally understand your rationale - that's such a tricky spot to be in!

Just a thought on the job front - could you perhaps expand your search to other international schools in the US, and continue teaching English (as a second language) that way? I attended the German School in DC, but I know there are German schools (and French schools, and others) in other cities (New York and Boston come to mind). Most of the students (in the German schools, at least) are non-native English speakers, so it seems your skills could be perfect.
Good luck - the job search from across the world must be so tough!
Christine

Tamara said...

All of it certainly understandable. I can't imagine the pressure you're under with your husband's job. It was already tough...I can't imagine what it must be like now. Please know...no matter how infrequently you post, I have your blog address tucked safely in my Google Reader. If you post, I will come. ;) ((hugs))

Donnadman said...

Glad to see your post. I think of you often and hope you are well!

Hugs from CA,
Donna

Lois said...

Tami! You're back! I completely understand why you haven't been writing lately, but after discovering your blog this winter, I really missed it once I had read through all of the entries.
Do you know where you'll be in the US if you do come back this year? Your mom will be SO happy! :) Life will seem like a breeze, even if Chris is working crazy hours and you're working full-time as well.

Susan said...

Your mom must be over the top!!!

Tina in CT said...

I'm not counting my eggs until they are hatched!

Not only will I be so glad to finally have them back (whenever they come) but so will her father and my SIL's family!!!!!!

Of course I hope they are in New England or the greater NYC area.

Tamara's mother

Anonymous said...

So nice to hear from you again!
And the best of luck.
Olga

R said...

Though I understand why you've been MIA, I've missed reading your insightful and delightful cultural stories and (of course) hearing updates about you and the girls. I also count you as the original inspiration for me to start a blog, so I'd be so happy to see yours revitalized.

Hope you all are doing well, and of course I would be thrilled if you find yourself back in the states!
bisoux!

Jojo, Julz, Julianne said...

Totally understand..
take it easy girl..Gosh, all my favorite bloggers are/may be leaving Russia...
keep your chin up,
julianne

Melissa said...

Tamara,

keep us posted on the move front. I'm sure you have mixed feelings, but maybe it's time. sending our love!

Kae said...

I have been reading for quite a while and enjoy it. My daughters even got interested in learning Russian like I am from seeing your daughters on your blog. I will continue to check back. :)

Kae said...

I started reading your blog a while back when I was first learning Russian and trying to find a way to help my daughters. I enjoy any insight into Russia can get and I love it. :)

Tina in CT said...

Melissa,

It IS time!

MamaPoRuski said...

Hear ya! Praying for you and your future. My blog is suffering as well from work and lack of appropriate topics, although I don't push the chipper envelope...too much :).

Garnet said...

Such a treat to find your new entries in my bloglines this morning. Yes, I'm aware this is an old post -- I did read it when it first came out and just didn't manage to get a response written. You can see I definitely understand about being too busy to write -- I miss my poor neglected blog and how it helped me remember all that had happened. I also know totally about not posting about school items. There is so much stuff I'd love to be able to put on my blog that is unique because of our situation -- such as what do you do when you have to send a student home but his passport has just expired and you need parents to renew it but you can't even contact the parents. So while I don't think my life could be anywhere as busy as yours is, know I perfectly understand about the rare blog entries -- which I guess just makes me enjoy it more when you do blog.